I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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