Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
