So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
