Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
