Already got asked if we're dating
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
