I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
