u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
