I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
