And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
