2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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