There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
