dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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