hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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