my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
