I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
