Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
