Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
