Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the raccoons are back...
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