Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
