Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
