I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
