I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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