My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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