If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
