Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
