Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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