Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
