today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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