I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
