why didn't you poke me back
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
