Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
