it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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