that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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