But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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