Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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