It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
