She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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