I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
