yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
