Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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