I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
