I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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