Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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