so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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