its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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