Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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