Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
