I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize