I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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