I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
